I believe that many of us suffer from the behaviors with which we are programmed.  Did you grow up with a person who needed fixing?  Could you fix him or her?  Wasthat your job?  If so, you may tend to take on the troubles of others and try to solve them.  This creates much stress and involves us in an impossible task.  We try to help others who obviously need help.  The problem is that they may not want help.  This leaves us fretfully trying to fix the unfixable.  We suffer from the powerlessness and futility of changing another. 

NEWSFLASH: WE CANNOT CHANGE OTHERS.  WE CANNOT CHANGE OTHERS.  WE CANNOT CHANGE OTHERS WITHOUT THEIR REQUEST.

Now that we have that establisherd, we can proceed.

NEWSFLASH:  WE CAN CHANGE OURSELVES.

Changing ourselves means that we have to give up the obsession with another's change.  They may or may not change.  If they are to change, they have to ask you to help them and then tell you what they want to change and how you are to help them.  Otherwise, only one person is involved in the change process - you. And most people resent it when someone tries to alter their thinking, feelings and/or behavior.  It sends a signal that they are weak and cannot do this on their own and it also wreaks of disapproval.  Who wants this?  No matter how good your intentions to help are, they have to be welcomed.  If welcomed, the change is usually somewhat quick.

Now for the real problem.  While you are working on this other person, you are suffering from the dilemma of trying to change someone who does not want it.  If I went to work every day and could not do my job I think I would eventually quit.  If I got fired and stayed I would be unpaid and more miserabl  (That's a Seinfield episode).  Are you staying in a position that is a dead-end with no pay, no benefits and a lot of criticism and unfilled dreams along with constant disappointment and misery?  Detach and work on your troubles.  You may find that you deserve a great relationship; deserve a high self-esteem; deserve a great life; deserve a great job; deserve a great vacation; deserve a great massage.......................

Do you deserve it?  Call me whether you answer yes or no.

Doc Pete